I'm accustomed to a smoother ride

So need to get over my poor mood. Talked to Franz. Not sure if you all know but the girl he is dating just lost her father to a tragic motorcycle accident. Definitely feel bad for Franz thinking he has to deal with that again. Can picture him in the ER w me. Talked w him tonight, and they are doing okay, considering. Am having sad feelings as I am coming up on my Dad's 2nd anniversary. Sometimes I lay in bed and think to myself, he isn't here. He isn't coming back. To actually roll it around and make it real in my thoughts is so weird. I think I learned to ignore it in a way. I remember thinking that he was just on a trip, and telling myself in some aspect that it wasn't real. And I have guilt for being at Mom's every Sunday with the whole fam, so we can have together time, because I think you ass, why didn't you do this when Dad was here. I know that your perspective changes when things happen, but I have so much guilt. I think of things I wanted, like when I used to think about marriage, I always wondered what I would dance w him to. And when I heard Paul Simon do Father and Daughter, I knew that was the one. So sorry to be so depressing! Am happy just feeling him, and not having him makes it a little hard.